Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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