I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
