I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
