"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
