hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
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this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
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He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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