he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
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I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
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Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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