I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize