You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
