it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
