he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
