so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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