did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
