We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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