So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
