True but thats because hes a fetus.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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