Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
