I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
