I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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