I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
