What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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