bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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