Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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