I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
