Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
