Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
