rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
