I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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