I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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