I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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