Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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