remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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