I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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