you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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