That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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