wat bout pragnant strippers??
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
