I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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