We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
