She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
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Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
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Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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