If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
