I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
