You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize