At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
