Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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