He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the day after is always just damage control
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
