You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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