It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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