We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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