I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize