Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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