i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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