Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
