he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
