i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
