How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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