READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
