We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
