I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
