I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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