who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
