I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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