Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
