Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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