it wasn't lemon gatorade
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
