I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The uberlube is also flammable
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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